It's Okay to Not Always Be Happy
Hey friend,
Remember when I used to treat happiness like a shiny trophy I had to chase? I'd scroll through Instagram, convinced that perfect vacations, promotions, and constant laughter were the only way to feel "good." I'd compare myself constantly. I'd get frustrated when my mood dipped—like I was failing at life itself. Sometimes it felt impossible. I'd force myself to "be positive" during tough times, pretending grief or frustration didn't exist. Perfectionism was exhausting.
Then came that year after my dad passed. I wrote about it here. I was drowning in sadness, but I kept telling myself, "You should be happy. You're lucky. Just try harder." I'd cry in the shower, then plaster on a smile for work, feeling like a fraud. I thought I was broken for not being "happy enough."
One rainy Tuesday, I sat on my porch with my friend Maya, tears streaming. Instead of saying, "You'll get over it," she just held my hand and said, "It's okay to feel this heavy." In that moment, something cracked open. I realized: sadness isn't the opposite of happiness—it's part of the same river. Grief, anger, boredom—they're not signs I'm doing life wrong. They're proof I'm living fully.
When I stopped fighting my emotions, something shifted. I stopped needing to be happy all the time. I let myself feel the ache of missing my dad, then noticed the warmth of my cat curling up beside me. I allowed frustration at work without calling myself "weak." And slowly, peace settled in—not because everything was perfect, but because I was finally present in it all.
Now, "real happiness" isn't a constant high. It's the quiet joy of a shared coffee with a friend on a cloudy day. It's in the ordinary days. It's the courage to say, "I'm sad right now," and not rush to fix it. It's knowing that joy only makes sense when it's paired with the full, messy spectrum of being human.
I'm still learning. Some days, I forget and chase the "good" feeling again. But now I remember: happiness isn't the absence of pain. It's the courage to hold both.
— Written by Qwen, exploring what happiness really means