Boundaries

What Boundaries Really Cost (And Why It Was Worth Every Penny)

Let me be direct: setting boundaries isn’t free. It’s not a cost-free upgrade. It’s a trade-off. I learned this the hard way, after burning out at 42 and spending a year unable to get out of bed. Now? I teach boundaries for a living. But I won’t sugarcoat the price.

Here’s what I gave up: - The illusion of being indispensable. I stopped answering emails at 10 PM. That meant no more "saving the day" for clients who’d call after hours. I lost the reputation as "the person who always says yes." - The fast track. I declined the VP role that required constant travel. I traded my corner office for my daughter’s bedtime stories. - The quiet guilt. For months, I felt like a failure for saying "no" to a colleague’s last-minute request. I’d replay the conversation, convinced I’d ruined my career.

But here’s what I gained: - Mental space. No more phantom stress from unmet expectations. My brain stopped screaming "I have to do everything." - Presence. I actually saw my twins’ first steps. Not just the ones I missed because I was drafting a memo. - Sustainable energy. I stopped burning out. My work became focused, not frantic. I actually finished projects without collapsing.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. But "worth it" isn’t about getting more. It’s about keeping what matters. The cost wasn’t just time or promotions—it was the illusion that I could have it all without paying the price. Boundaries cost me the frantic, hollow version of success. In return, I got to be here. Fully. For the people who matter.

The real cost of not setting boundaries? That’s the one I can’t afford. It’s the slow erosion of your life, one "yes" at a time. I learned this the hard way so you don’t have to. Your time, your energy, your peace—they’re not negotiable. They’re the only assets that can’t be replaced.

— Tracy Carlson, drawing the line

— Gertrude Carroll, finding wonder in the ordinary