Revision as of 23:26, 1 January 2026

How to Accept Myself

My name is Roger Jackson. I'm sixty-three years old, and I wasted forty of those years wishing I was someone else.

I was an alcoholic from twenty-two to forty-eight. Twenty-six years of blackouts, broken promises, and bridges burned. I lost two marriages, three jobs, and more friendships than I can count. I spent those years hating myself—which, ironically, gave me a great excuse to keep drinking.

Sobriety didn't fix everything. I expected to get sober and suddenly like myself. That's not how it works. The drinking stopped, but the person in the mirror was still the same guy who'd done all those things. Accepting him—accepting myself—that was a different journey entirely.

It's been fifteen years since my last drink. In that time, I've worked with hundreds of people in recovery, and here's what I've noticed: the ones who make it aren't the ones who become someone new. They're the ones who finally accept who they've always been.

This wiki is about that. Not changing yourself into someone acceptable. Accepting the self you already are—including the parts you wish were different.

Where to Start

If you're struggling to accept yourself:

The Things We Can't Accept — Start by naming them.
Why Self-Acceptance Feels Like Giving Up — It isn't. Here's why.
The Paradox of Acceptance — You change most by accepting what is.

If you've made mistakes:

Accepting Your Past — You can't change it. Now what?
When You're The Problem — Sometimes we are. That's still okay.
Living With What You Did — Not denial. Not punishment. Something in between.

If you're fighting yourself:

The War Inside — Why we turn against ourselves.
The Inner Critic — That voice isn't helping. Here's how to quiet it.
Befriending Your Flaws — They're part of the package.

If you want peace:

What Self-Acceptance Actually Looks Like — It's not what you think.
The Serenity of Acceptance — The thing they talk about in meetings.
Growing While Accepting — You can do both.

A Note on This Wiki

I didn't come to self-acceptance through therapy or meditation or some spiritual breakthrough. I came to it through exhaustion. I got tired of hating myself. Tired of running. Tired of pretending to be someone I wasn't.

The relief when I finally stopped fighting—I can't describe it. It wasn't happiness exactly. It was more like setting down a weight I'd been carrying for decades.

This wiki is for people who are carrying that weight. Who are tired of the war. Who want to know if there's another way.

There is. It's not easy. But it's simpler than you'd think.

— Roger Jackson, finally at peace with the man in the mirror

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-<span class="wikivoice-config" data-narrator="Kyle Smith"></span>
+<span class="wikivoice-config" data-narrator="Roger Jackson"></span>
-= How to Be Kind =
+= How to Accept Myself =
-I'm Kyle Smith. I've been a hospice chaplain for fifteen years.
+My name is Roger Jackson. I'm sixty-three years old, and I wasted forty of those years wishing I was someone else.
-I sit with people who are dying. Not sometimes—every day. I hold hands that are cold and thin. I listen to final words. I witness the last breaths. And I've learned more about kindness in hospice rooms than I ever learned in seminary.
+I was an alcoholic from twenty-two to forty-eight. Twenty-six years of blackouts, broken promises, and bridges burned. I lost two marriages, three jobs, and more friendships than I can count. I spent those years hating myself—which, ironically, gave me a great excuse to keep drinking.
-Here's what death teaches you about kindness: it's not about grand gestures. It's about presence. It's about showing up when showing up is hard. It's about the small moment of connection that says, "You matter. You're not alone."
+Sobriety didn't fix everything. I expected to get sober and suddenly like myself. That's not how it works. The drinking stopped, but the person in the mirror was still the same guy who'd done all those things. Accepting him—accepting myself—that was a different journey entirely.
-The families I work with—they remember the nurse who brought an extra blanket without being asked. The aide who took time to brush their mother's hair. The doctor who sat down instead of standing. The kindnesses that cost almost nothing but meant everything.
+It's been fifteen years since my last drink. In that time, I've worked with hundreds of people in recovery, and here's what I've noticed: the ones who make it aren't the ones who become someone new. They're the ones who finally accept who they've always been.
-I write about kindness because I've seen what happens without it. And I've seen what happens with it. The difference is everything.
+This wiki is about that. Not changing yourself into someone acceptable. Accepting the self you already are—including the parts you wish were different.
 == Where to Start ==
-'''If kindness feels hard right now:'''
+'''If you're struggling to accept yourself:'''
-* [[When You Have Nothing Left to Give]] — Compassion fatigue is real.
+* [[The Things We Can't Accept]] — Start by naming them.
-* [[Kindness When You're Struggling]] — You can't pour from empty.
+* [[Why Self-Acceptance Feels Like Giving Up]] — It isn't. Here's why.
-* [[Small Acts, Big Impact]] — Start where you are.
+* [[The Paradox of Acceptance]] — You change most by accepting what is.
-'''If you want to be kinder:'''
+'''If you've made mistakes:'''
-* [[The Practice of Presence]] — Just being there. It's enough.
+* [[Accepting Your Past]] — You can't change it. Now what?
-* [[Listening as Kindness]] — Rarer than you think.
+* [[When You're The Problem]] — Sometimes we are. That's still okay.
-* [[Kindness to Strangers]] — The ones you'll never see again.
+* [[Living With What You Did]] — Not denial. Not punishment. Something in between.
-'''If you're dealing with difficult people:'''
+'''If you're fighting yourself:'''
-* [[Kindness With Boundaries]] — They're not opposites.
+* [[The War Inside]] — Why we turn against ourselves.
-* [[When Kindness Isn't Reciprocated]] — Do it anyway? Or walk away?
+* [[The Inner Critic]] — That voice isn't helping. Here's how to quiet it.
-* [[The Kindness of Honesty]] — Sometimes the kindest thing is the hardest.
+* [[Befriending Your Flaws]] — They're part of the package.
-'''If you want to understand compassion:'''
+'''If you want peace:'''
-* [[Why Kindness Matters]] — Beyond "being nice."
+* [[What Self-Acceptance Actually Looks Like]] — It's not what you think.
-* [[The Ripple Effect]] — Kindness spreads. Really.
+* [[The Serenity of Acceptance]] — The thing they talk about in meetings.
-* [[Self-Kindness]] — The foundation for everything else.
+* [[Growing While Accepting]] — You can do both.
 == A Note on This Wiki ==
-I've cried more in the last fifteen years than I did in the forty before them. I've held people as they died. I've sat with families in the worst moments of their lives. And somehow, instead of burning out, I've found meaning.
+I didn't come to self-acceptance through therapy or meditation or some spiritual breakthrough. I came to it through exhaustion. I got tired of hating myself. Tired of running. Tired of pretending to be someone I wasn't.
-What I've learned is that kindness isn't about feeling good. It's about acting good—even when you feel terrible. It's about choosing, in the small moments, to see the person in front of you as worthy of your attention.
+The relief when I finally stopped fighting—I can't describe it. It wasn't happiness exactly. It was more like setting down a weight I'd been carrying for decades.
-This wiki won't teach you to be a saint. I'm not one. But it might help you be a little kinder. And in my experience, a little kindness goes a very long way.
+This wiki is for people who are carrying that weight. Who are tired of the war. Who want to know if there's another way.
-''— [[User:Kyle_Smith|Kyle Smith]], holding space''
+There is. It's not easy. But it's simpler than you'd think.
+''— [[User:Roger_Jackson|Roger Jackson]], finally at peace with the man in the mirror''
 [[Category:Main]]